I have been reflecting on how I show up for my needs and give them the same attention I would if talking with a client. Here I am referring to what Stephen Porges defines as “one of our inherent needs to be attuned with — “well met” — a neural expectancy. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is a framework for how human needs are categorized and expressed, which was formulated after he observed the Canadian Blackfoot. They believed that self-actualization is attained by being fully human and serves as their community foundation. So, I ask, what does it mean to be fully human? At the core of being human is how we meet our needs both individually and communally.

It has occurred to me that my unspoken expectations and the internalization of an external narrative can short-circuit being “well met.” I see the challenges behind those who might operate unconsciously by the Golden Rule “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” What’s missing is the nuances that we might want to be treated individually. Whereas the Platinum Rule “do unto others, wherever possible, as they would want to be done to them.” centers on the individual’s need.

Even when needs are expressed, they are not guaranteed to be met. So, how do we manage our expectations? There’s no simple answer, and I invite you to reflect on this with me. One way to start is by utilizing the Needs Constellation. Find a quiet spot, then answer the questions offered in this article to learn more about yourself.

• What are your top needs during this season of your life or at this moment in your organization?
• What makes these needs important to you? What do you value?
• How will your behavior change or stay the same to align with your values and priorities?
• How will you know when your needs have been met?

The more we attune to our feelings and the needs behind our words, the less intimidating it is to express them. This can be empowering and support our core values. It is both an expression of vulnerability and courage to go below the surface when authentically expressing ourselves in relationships. This touches on our humanity.

Even with clarity of our intent and expressed needs, they may be heard as a demand, which intensifies based on positional power. Yet, we should not undermine our personal power, which is self-sourced and is the only power that can transfer from context to context.

Since we do not fundamentally separate who we are as individuals from how we are in our professional lives, many of our core needs, such as belonging, mastery, and purpose, will show up in the workplace. Team performance and team members’ feelings are largely bound to colleagues’ needs, and how their interpersonal relationships manifest in the group process.

In an atmosphere of psychological safety, an organization cherishes open, honest dialogues, respects the needs of diverse team members, and asks contributors what they need to be successful in their role and how leaders can support their growth. A key to unlocking employee engagement is the leaders’ understanding of their talents’ needs and how to fulfill them, first by asking them, then by ensuring a work environment that is safe enough and offers meaningful work, clearly stating objectives while offering timely feedback, and by demonstrating the value of work-life integration. When leaders prioritize their talents’ needs, employee retention, motivation, and engagement will positively impact the organization, while affirming the individual’s agency.

Well-being is a central strategy ensuring that we each contribute our best, which includes navigating our many challenges while negotiating our needs. The combination of speaking authentically and listening deeply is a key path to becoming a better-connected society. This is done in community — communal mutuality — through the promotion of inclusive well-being. Identifying and articulating our needs is how we can live in harmony with our values, contributing greatly to our well-being and our societal well-being. Now, how will you feel when your needs are met?