Living Our Values Everyday

September 13, 2023August 30, 2023

I have been reflecting on how I show up for my needs and give them the same attention I would if talking with a client. Here I am referring to what Stephen Porges defines as “one of our inherent needs to be attuned with — “well met” — a neural expectancy. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is a framework for how human needs are categorized and expressed, which was formulated after he observed the Canadian Blackfoot. They believed that self-actualization is attained by being fully human and serves as their community foundation. So, I ask, what does it mean to be fully human? At the core of being human is how we meet our needs both individually and communally.

It has occurred to me that my unspoken expectations and the internalization of an external narrative can short-circuit being “well met.” I see the challenges behind those who might operate unconsciously by the Golden Rule “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” What’s missing is the nuances that we might want to be treated individually. Whereas the Platinum Rule “do unto others, wherever possible, as they would want to be done to them.” centers on the individual’s need.

Even when needs are expressed, they are not guaranteed to be met. So, how do we manage our expectations? There’s no simple answer, and I invite you to reflect on this with me. One way to start is by utilizing the Needs Constellation. Find a quiet spot, then answer the questions offered in this article to learn more about yourself.

What are your top needs during this season of your life or at this moment in your organization?
What makes these needs important to you? What do you value?
How will your behavior change or stay the same to align with your values and priorities?
How will you know when your needs have been met?

The more we attune to our feelings and the needs behind our words, the less intimidating it is to express them. This can be empowering and support our core values. It is both an expression of vulnerability and courage to go below the surface when authentically expressing ourselves in relationships. This touches on our humanity.

Even with clarity of our intent and expressed needs, they may be heard as a demand, which intensifies based on positional power. Yet, we should not undermine our personal power, which is self-sourced and is the only power that can transfer from context to context.

Since we do not fundamentally separate who we are as individuals from how we are in our professional lives, many of our core needs, such as belonging, mastery, and purpose, will show up in the workplace. Team performance and team members’ feelings are largely bound to colleagues’ needs, and how their interpersonal relationships manifest in the group process.

In an atmosphere of psychological safety, an organization cherishes open, honest dialogues, respects the needs of diverse team members, and asks contributors what they need to be successful in their role and how leaders can support their growth. A key to unlocking employee engagement is the leaders’ understanding of their talents’ needs and how to fulfill them, first by asking them, then by ensuring a work environment that is safe enough and offers meaningful work, clearly stating objectives while offering timely feedback, and by demonstrating the value of work-life integration. When leaders prioritize their talents’ needs, employee retention, motivation, and engagement will positively impact the organization, while affirming the individual’s agency.

Well-being is a central strategy ensuring that we each contribute our best, which includes navigating our many challenges while negotiating our needs. The combination of speaking authentically and listening deeply is a key path to becoming a better-connected society. This is done in community — communal mutuality — through the promotion of inclusive well-being. Identifying and articulating our needs is how we can live in harmony with our values, contributing greatly to our well-being and our societal well-being. Now, how will you feel when your needs are met?

James Baldwin writes, “Writers are extremely important people in a country, whether or not the country knows it. The Multiple truths about a people are revealed by that people’s artists.” With the slower pace and longer daylight of summer, I find sitting under a tree reading after work an absolute joy. Sharing with you a synopsis of the books read this summer, and I invite you to share your favorite books from your summer’s read list.

Book A Discovery Session

A discovery session is largely influenced by a kaizen process, which is a philosophy based on the concept to change for the better through small modifications creating improvements. The session is centered on learning about one another including values, goals, and processes.

The discussion will help determine our chemistry match and how collaborating will add value for you. There will be an opportunity to understand your needs and what is top of mind for you, especially what is it that you wish to improve upon. This is an opportunity for us to co-create a win-win partnership.

Some discovery session questions are:

What is your biggest challenge as it relates to ______?
How are you feeling about this challenge?
What about solving the challenge is most important to you?
How will you benefit from finding a solution to this challenge?

To schedule your no obligation appointment, email novelette@betacoachingconsulting.com or visit our calendar to book an available time.

May your skies be blue

The Social Status of Busyness

April 2, 2023May 10, 2023

Recently in a coaching conversation, the individual said she had 12 million things to do and had to die or quit her job to focus on her well-being. I paused. I then asked the individual how her words landed for her. There was silence, then she said she would not talk to a friend that way. Since coaching is centered on the client, I asked how open she is about exploring the language and action that would support how she uses her time.

I believe all we are and aspire to be as individuals are inextricably tied to our well-being – physical, emotional, relational, occupational, and spiritual. How we perceive agency over our well-being influences our actions in moving toward the desired direction. When time becomes a currency, and we feel we don’t have enough of it, we function from a scarcity mindset (time-poor). Putting off today what we think we might have time in the future to take care of. I wonder when we will offer ourselves the gift of time to take care of this “one precious life.” In the U.S., busyness has become a social status that rivals wealth. Often when you ask someone, “how are you doing?“ a reply might be that they’re “so busy,” because it has become a badge of honor indicating their self-importance. If we are compensated solely based on output, it can send a mixed message, with the price being our personal well-being.

Going Above and Beyond

Organizations with a “squeeze ‘em” approach to driving productivity can inadvertently demoralize their employees. When employees feel that they must go above and beyond constantly to maintain their position, they have a weaker understanding of their job description and might feel diminished, powerless, and tapped out. There is a diminishment of their status, agency, and autonomy in bringing meaning to their work. While overproducing can be a lucrative, competitive advantage for organizations, the cost to the employees might be burnout, mental health distress, and physical illnesses and injuries. Job creep, the incremental and gradual increase in work responsibilities, results in an overload on employees that can lead to exhaustion, lowered well-being, and decreased productivity.

I Exist Because I’m Busy

When I explored my relationship to time – I will admit there was a satisfaction in being busy – it bolstered my sense of importance and worth and signaled to the team that I was a critical contributor. When I stopped to ask myself how I wanted to use the precious time granted each day, I explored how being busy has become a form of distraction. Life is filled with a million and one different things to do, and since there are only 24 hours in a day, how will you choose to use that time? Most of us are operating from a place of time poverty, where we permit leisure time to be discretionary. When we pour disproportionate energy and time into being impressive at work, and/or prioritizing the demands of friends and family, our inner voice gets muted. The overachiever voices overlooks our values and how we’re spending our time. How we spend our time is more important than the quantity of time we spend on something. Since many of us cannot walk away from a demanding position, recrafting how work and time are utilized is one strategy to explore.

Craft More, Hustle Less

Organizations with an inclusive well-being mindset listen and invest in their employees. They encourage employees to pursue job crafting that aligns behaviors with motivations and needs. The result is more energy and empowerment that can shift toward their responsibilities. The adage, “if you want something done, give it to a busy person,” might be a misnomer when considering the time limitation. Leaders have an opportunity to job craft to motivate employees to perform at a high level while giving them space to care for themselves when curating a social contract of engagement at work:

Share our intent at the beginning.
Express our desired outcomes (needs/wants).
Invite feedback when behaviors are misalignment with intent.
Set the stage (a reciprocal roof) for a mutual process.
Abide by (change) the Social Contract as the relationship evolves.

Then, the employee has the opportunity to reflect on how they would like to engage with their day, making intentional quality time feel valued. Here are a few strategies to consider:

Time block: set aside a specific amount of uninterrupted time during the day.
Manage time: ensure meetings have a clear agenda and schedule breaks throughout the day.
Minimize distractions: specify parameters for checking social media and responding to email messages.
Unplug and embrace idleness: sit still, gaze out a window, and daydream.

An Individual’s well-being is not achieved alone. We will never be self-sufficient or independent, nothing living is. We are mutual contributors and beneficiaries in this ecosystem. So, consider which practices, habits, rituals, and understanding will inform your relationship with yourself and time and the value it will bring to your well-being. How would you like to engage in your life – professionally and personally – while contributing to the world? To quote Thelonious Monk, are you “off time yet perfectly on time”.

I was looking for a light read and picked up “Inciting Joy.” I was immediately captivated by Ross Gay’s second essay, “Through My Tears I Saw (Death: The Second Incitement)” and how he shares his teenage concept of his Dad. “I became thoroughly unenthralled with my old man, annoyed and embarrassed by his arrogance, his bluster … now I recognize his full-of-sxxxxxxs in my own…” There is an intimacy and honesty not often heard and experienced in a world that is about branding the best versions of ourselves (publicly).

The essays in this book are deeply personal and reflective, speaking of relationships with self and others, death and dying (“when you are ninety-four you are dying more clearly than … say, twenty-four”), losses (“we were edging toward the world without this person we loved”), grief (“grief is the metabolization of change”), deprivilege (“the withholding from some of the means of life”), blessings, and the joys in between the sorrows.

The garden serves as a vehicle in which Ross shares his perspectives of life, “a healthy garden is an entangled system of truly countless mutual contributors and beneficiaries, on which the gardener is but one.” Not a light read, this gave my heart much to consider, and I delighted in each essay’s journey as Ross planted the seed of what is to bloom in each essay. “When that one thing changed, everything changed.”

National Poetry Month

In honor of National Poetry Month, sharing this poem by Sarla Estruch. Sarala is a British writer, poet, and researcher. Her poetry explores the long legacy of colonization, intergenerational trauma, grief, and disconnection. At the same time, balanced with the power of love and connection.

Blue Mountain

We had passed halfway point.
Every muscle in my body was singing,
brimming with lactic acid. We’d been arguing,
arguing as we climbed, about the best way
to climb a mountain, though I’d never climbed
a mountain before and you’d topped the summit
countless times. I wanted to enjoy the walk:
the winding path fringed with unfurling ferns
and bamboo stalks, gold and tall. You said:
To get to the top, you’ve got to look up.
Kept leading us off the path to the short cuts
Through the underbrush over rocks and red soil.
Impossible to gain stable footing, we kept on
Moving, the forward motion propelling us
A step ahead of stumbling. It started to rain.
You took my hand. The air thickened
with the scent of parched earth being pummeled
by water, particles of dust darting up, resisting
their muddy fate and already I was drenched,
had never been so wet; I’d never been so close
to the clouds with the rain coming down
and kept on going. At the summit we stood,
hearts swollen with victory and relief, though
thick grey mist had stolen the famous view
of the north and south coasts of the island.
Later, in the guesthouse in the valley,
you tell me of the Taino and Maroons who
escaped slavery by fleeing to the Blue and
John Crow mountains; it was here, in unmapped
land colonists dared not enter, that they gathered,
grew strength, and planned their resistance.

We learn to adapt along the way

January 30, 2022February 17, 2022

This is the time of year when resolutions abound. There is sufficient information to indicate that only 20% of all new year resolutions are achieved and most are abandoned by the beginning of February.

What if we were to turn the idea of setting a resolution on its head and consider how we could live into our best self and resolve each day to do so? It might enable us to lean into our brilliance, guided by the principles that move us toward the characteristics and bring forth a sense of well-being.

SMART Goals, an acronym that stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely, are great for generating focus, like completing a couch to 5K. While sometimes valuable, I know they also can cause people to abandon their goals when they are not aligned with their principles.

As we approach February, how have you been able to align your new year resolution (if you made one) with your principle? Principle can be defined as a fundamental truth that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior for a chain of reasoning.

prin·ci·ple

a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior or for a chain of reasoning.

Depending on your cultural or social situation, you might have a different interpretation of this word. For me, the word “principle” is rich and inspirational, especially when I think about its meanings of truth and system of belief.

Even truth can have several meanings ranging from personal opinions to factual statements. The first one could be the statement “it is a beautiful winter’s day.” Well, if you like winter, then it is beautiful, but if you prefer summer, then it might not be so beautiful. A factual statement is more absolute such as “we all have a finite amount of time on the planet,” with the when as the unknown factor.

A system of belief helps us understand and define the world around us. Although it is not fixed, it evolves with knowledge and awareness. When we think about the system of belief that fuels our thoughts and behaviors, how have these systems changed over time? In what ways have they cultivated whole-ness and authenticity to empower us?

What narratives have you internalized about new year resolutions, and how do they serve you in becoming your best self? Now, consider your goals again. How will achieving or not achieving them impact your year or your life?

Life is a process and, as complex multiple dimensional beings, we learn to adapt to changes along the way. Every day is a new beginning. We have been called to do this for the past two years. As 2022 unfolds, what are you adding to your ecosystem of well-being?

Having clarity and understanding about the principles that fuel our goals is helpful in guiding us along the journey. Some of us might lose our way or need guidance to define a new path that is more connected with our values. While we may not end up where we thought we would, we also could be pleasantly surprised by what actually happens.

Is this the year you will invest in your well-being and engage a coach?

Working with a coach can help you clarify what is important to you, help you stay focused, and adjust as needed. An experienced professional might help you see more clearly what might not be so apparent to you. This partnership can set you on a path to success.

At BETA Coaching and Consulting, we help professionals realize their personal and professional definitions of well-being across multiple dimensions.

Let me know how 2022 is unfolding and what you’re adding to your ecosystem of well-being below in the comments.

Summoning the Courage to Transform a System

November 30, 2021February 17, 2022

“If you bring people into a system that was not created for them, what you’re really doing is asking them to assimilate and give up part of what they are.”

– Linked In: @Salma Shah PCC post quoting @Dr. Terrence E. Maltbia

When my family emigrated to the U.S., my mother encouraged me to assimilate into the culture as a means of survival and protection. As I grew up, I encountered many systems—public school, college, work, and marriage—each of which included and imposed its own set of rules.

These conventions, which regulated and enforced what was and was not deemed appropriate, are examples of closed—or cybernetic—systems. A cybernetic system is self-regulating, aligned toward achieving a common goal, and relies on feedback to retain steady state equilibrium. There is value in such a system; yet, it also has limitations, in that it functions on cause and effect and attempts to self-correct in order to deviate as little as possible from its “comfort zone.”

Achieving transformation requires individuals and organizations to transcend the “cause and effect paradigm” and invite divergent points of view into the system. What occurs when we invite those who did not create systems to assist us in transforming them? When people join together to develop a working model and devise a plan of action, they learn together when they apply the new model and collectively engage in meaning making.

In many respects, this describes the situation that has been transpiring over the 19 months since the COVID-19 pandemic began: We have invited each other to interrogate systems—particularly those that perpetuate oppression—in order to co-create a meta-system that holds the perspectives of its participants.

This process takes courage: Courage to explore one another’s experiences by gathering perspectives, suspending our assumptions, and circuiting biases. Courage to see and acknowledge our power, recognize how it interrelates to that of others and understands how these dynamics influence the system. Courage to offer opportunities to bridge difference as a means of advancing inclusion and equity.

What is possible when we allow people to affect a system and inform its direction when we give up disguising “business as usual” with new buzzwords? We curate possibility. We create equitable, win/win scenarios, whereby needs + your needs + their needs + our needs are met, because there is enough space for everyone to show up as they are.

Systems that are built on equity allow both individuals and organizations/structures to thrive. When people flourish in all five well-being areas—physical, social, financial, career and community—they experience better health outcomes.

Remaining competitive and maximizing business performance in today’s workplaces requires employers to assume responsibility for fostering wellbeing by promoting:

We measure organizations and systems by the positive impact they have on the people who work within them and the impact they are consequently able to have on the planet. When an organization’s employees are engaged at work, the company will consistently meet the goals leaders set and both the firm and its professionals will have the resilience to weather crises.

How will you cultivate an ecosystem of wellbeing at your organization? What system are you prepared to transform?

At BETA Coaching and Consulting we amplify individuals’ and organizations’ senses of well-being while nurturing systems to facilitate transformation. We build coaching as an organizational capacity and help professionals and institutions realize their own definitions of well-being across multiple dimensions.

Interested in improving your organization’s well-being? Let’s connect.

What is Your Well-being Strategy? How to Cultivate a Sense of Well-being

September 30, 2021February 17, 2022

In the space between now and the future lies the magic of possibility.

Each of us is at a different level of well-being. This state of being is influenced by the systems in which we live, our genetic and epigenetic profile, temperament, mindset, and many other factors. Our personal values, sense of community and belonging, network of friends and social connections, work and home life and other environmental dynamics and our belief in our ability to impact our well-being all play active roles in how well we are. When you think of your personal well-being, what do you believe is possible?

Well-being operates on a spectrum—at one end, one experiences optimal well-being and at the other end, they experience dis-ease. Individuals often consider their personal well-being when the scales have tipped towards dis-ease. However, when we retain a sense of the personal well-being we desire, we can act to sustain it and respond appropriately when a shift occurs. By becoming aware of what fosters your sense of well-being and understanding the behaviors that contribute to it, you can more easily move in your desired direction.

The Wheel of Life Assessment is a powerful self-evaluation tool to support you in honestly assessing your present well-being, reflecting on how it differs from moments in the past and imagining how well you may feel in the future. This is not wishful thinking: it is an intentional practice. Give yourself time to complete this process in an unhurried, undistracted manner. The Wheel of Life Assessment offers a compass that guides you toward where you can best focus your attention to achieve your goals. As the saying goes, what we pay attention to, we bring into reality.

What well-being possibilities await you? What do you bravely want to enter or change, so that you can realize the full possibility of your well-being?

As you contemplate the shifts you would like to make or the behaviors you would like to maintain, it is helpful to know where you currently are on the spectrum of change. Are you contemplating a transformation or are you reverting into a previous pattern? The Stages of Change Model[1], also known as the Transtheoretical Model, describes your readiness to make a change or to take on a new behavior.

The Stages of Change Model:

Precontemplation: No intent to make a change

Contemplation: Awareness, with no commitment to act

Preparation: Taking action to address a desired change

Action: Engagement

Maintenance: Sustained change

Relapse: Reverting back into a previous pattern

When you determine what is motivating the change, you can use that inspiration as a beacon on your well-being journey. You may be exploring new and unknown terrain. And, as with any journey, there are many roads you can travel to arrive at your destination. Change requires action, and throughout this process, it will be important to consistently re-evaluate and re-commit to your path, particularly if you encounter any setbacks along the way. Take time to continue to learn from any past successes or missteps and to remind yourself of your commitment to your well-being.

At each stage, you may find that you need to utilize a different tool or strategy to progress along your chosen path. At times, you may notice a delay or identify a faster way to arrive at your destination. It is important to recognize that movement through this model is cyclical: You may progress to the next stage or regress to a previous stage. Sustained change does not signal inaction. Rather, you create stable behaviors and transform them through your efforts.

What would you like to act on, today or in the near term?

At BETA Coaching and Consulting we amplify individuals’ and organizations’ senses of well-being while nurturing systems to facilitate transformation. We build coaching as an organizational capacity and help individuals and institutions realize their definitions of well-being across multiple dimensions.

Interested in improving your well-being? Let’s connect.

[1] Prochaska, J.O., Butterworth, S., Redding, C.A., Burden, V., Perrin, N., Lea, Michael, Flaherty, Robb M., and Prochaska, J.M. (2008). Initial efficacy of MI, TTM tailoring, and HRI’s in multiple behaviors for employee health promotion. Preventive Medicine, 46, 226-231. (Abstract)

How do Ecosystems of Well-being Inform our Experience?

July 30, 2021February 17, 2022

It has taken more than forty years for the field of Wellness to expand its focus beyond its 1979 definitions of physical wellness to acknowledge the intricacy of human well-being. Physical wellness is certainly an integral component of well-being; however, it represents only a fraction of the full scope of well-being.

According to Thomas Scanlon, well-being is not a separate good that is promoted by the things that contribute to it. Instead, it is what is termed an inclusive good, one that is made up of other things that are good.

Through its global research, Gallup has identified five elements of well-being that allow us to thrive:

Career Well-being: How you occupy your time, or simply liking what you do every day
Social Well-being: Having strong relationships and love in your life
Financial Well-being: Effectively managing your economic life
Physical Well-being: Possessing good health and enough energy to complete daily activities
Community Well-being: Retaining a sense of engagement with the area in which you live

These factors are deeply interrelated. For example, an individual’s financial well-being may be linked to their career well-being and whether their employer practices pay equity. The layout and features of one’s community, such as an abundance or lack of sidewalks or green space, may enhance or detract from their physical well-being. Or perhaps even a satisfying career may require a person to work an exorbitant number of hours, thus limiting a sense of social well-being and connection with family and friends.

Although well-being is variable and subjective and therefore difficult to quantify, we instinctively know when we are well and when we are not. When we identify which of the five elements needs a little TLC, we can seek out interventions that will amplify our experience in that arena. There are a multitude of ways we can infuse practices into various areas of our lives. Moreover, desired outcomes, although important motivators, are not what drives a sense of well-being. Rather, satisfaction is propelled by how the individual ascribe value to the well-being initiative. Is it worthwhile doing?

Well-being is also fundamental to our overall human performance across the dimensions of our cultural identities. For some it is a form of resistance. For others, it is a systems approach that supports all. And for each of us, it is a lifelong journey. We feed our well-being by connecting with colleagues and our circle of influence, being aware and savoring the moment, challenging ourselves to continuously learn to remain curious, staying active, and appreciating the interconnectedness of all things.

It is said that well-being is a kind of value, that it is good for individuals. And what is good for individuals will be good for an organization. And is good for a society. At the individual or the organizational level, what do you envision as your well-being aim and what are you curious to adopt?

What is an Ecosystem of Well-being and Why is it Important?

May 30, 2021February 17, 2022

Ecosystems are the natural systems that we depend upon to support our well-being. They provide sustenance in the form of food, clean water and protection from disease and natural hazards. Most importantly, ecosystems are environments that support living things’ freedom to flourish and thrive. The lyrics of Jill Scott’s song My Petition beautifully capture this convergence between natural and human systems and their potential impacts: I want fresh fruit, clean water — Air that I don’t see — I want the feeling of being safe on my streets — I want my children to be smarter than me — I want, I want to feel — I want to feel, I want to feel free. After all, who doesn’t want fresh fruit, clean water, air that they don’t see? These are basic needs that allow us as humans to maintain and nurture ourselves as a species. The ecosystems and human well-being framework states that well-being exists on a continuum and relies upon provisioning, regulating, cultural and supporting services. The pathways between our ecosystem and well-being are direct—as with clean water and air—and indirect, in that they can be comprised of complex social, economic and political webs.

The Main Dimensions of Well-being and its Obverse, Ill-being

All facets of our systems–natural and human–are interwoven, and our physical, mental, social and professional well-being is strongly linked to our complex and ever-changing ecosystem. Many factors contribute to a sense of well-being across cultures and socioeconomic gradients. A safe environment, access to resources to pursue a viable livelihood, health, an ability to express cultural and spiritual values, freedom and choice are essential in cultivating a sense of well-being. However, our society is only as well as each of its members, and this has been spotlighted over the past 16 months. COVID-19 has exposed existing systemic inequities and highlighted the fact that well-being practices are not freely available to all. According to the World Bank (2004), “Equity, a more equal distribution of well-being among people” or “equality in the capability (or freedom) of different individuals to pursue a life of their choosing”. through an equity lens, well-being can be seen as a form of resistance that encompasses a sensitivity to the cultural and personal needs of the individuals within the natural and human systems. We are now called upon to make choices differently than those we have made in the past. Taking the best of our understanding and moving towards a paradigm that cultivates ecosystems of well-being requires that we ensure that all who desire well-being are able to access it without compromising others.

At BETA Coaching and Consulting we endeavor to meet each person and each organization where they are and collaborate with them on their journey to be their best self, their well self. Let’s co-create possibilities!