The Social Status of Busyness

April 2, 2023May 10, 2023

Recently in a coaching conversation, the individual said she had 12 million things to do and had to die or quit her job to focus on her well-being. I paused. I then asked the individual how her words landed for her. There was silence, then she said she would not talk to a friend that way. Since coaching is centered on the client, I asked how open she is about exploring the language and action that would support how she uses her time.

I believe all we are and aspire to be as individuals are inextricably tied to our well-being – physical, emotional, relational, occupational, and spiritual. How we perceive agency over our well-being influences our actions in moving toward the desired direction. When time becomes a currency, and we feel we don’t have enough of it, we function from a scarcity mindset (time-poor). Putting off today what we think we might have time in the future to take care of. I wonder when we will offer ourselves the gift of time to take care of this “one precious life.” In the U.S., busyness has become a social status that rivals wealth. Often when you ask someone, “how are you doing?“ a reply might be that they’re “so busy,” because it has become a badge of honor indicating their self-importance. If we are compensated solely based on output, it can send a mixed message, with the price being our personal well-being.

Going Above and Beyond

Organizations with a “squeeze ‘em” approach to driving productivity can inadvertently demoralize their employees. When employees feel that they must go above and beyond constantly to maintain their position, they have a weaker understanding of their job description and might feel diminished, powerless, and tapped out. There is a diminishment of their status, agency, and autonomy in bringing meaning to their work. While overproducing can be a lucrative, competitive advantage for organizations, the cost to the employees might be burnout, mental health distress, and physical illnesses and injuries. Job creep, the incremental and gradual increase in work responsibilities, results in an overload on employees that can lead to exhaustion, lowered well-being, and decreased productivity.

I Exist Because I’m Busy

When I explored my relationship to time – I will admit there was a satisfaction in being busy – it bolstered my sense of importance and worth and signaled to the team that I was a critical contributor. When I stopped to ask myself how I wanted to use the precious time granted each day, I explored how being busy has become a form of distraction. Life is filled with a million and one different things to do, and since there are only 24 hours in a day, how will you choose to use that time? Most of us are operating from a place of time poverty, where we permit leisure time to be discretionary. When we pour disproportionate energy and time into being impressive at work, and/or prioritizing the demands of friends and family, our inner voice gets muted. The overachiever voices overlooks our values and how we’re spending our time. How we spend our time is more important than the quantity of time we spend on something. Since many of us cannot walk away from a demanding position, recrafting how work and time are utilized is one strategy to explore.

Craft More, Hustle Less

Organizations with an inclusive well-being mindset listen and invest in their employees. They encourage employees to pursue job crafting that aligns behaviors with motivations and needs. The result is more energy and empowerment that can shift toward their responsibilities. The adage, “if you want something done, give it to a busy person,” might be a misnomer when considering the time limitation. Leaders have an opportunity to job craft to motivate employees to perform at a high level while giving them space to care for themselves when curating a social contract of engagement at work:

Share our intent at the beginning.
Express our desired outcomes (needs/wants).
Invite feedback when behaviors are misalignment with intent.
Set the stage (a reciprocal roof) for a mutual process.
Abide by (change) the Social Contract as the relationship evolves.

Then, the employee has the opportunity to reflect on how they would like to engage with their day, making intentional quality time feel valued. Here are a few strategies to consider:

Time block: set aside a specific amount of uninterrupted time during the day.
Manage time: ensure meetings have a clear agenda and schedule breaks throughout the day.
Minimize distractions: specify parameters for checking social media and responding to email messages.
Unplug and embrace idleness: sit still, gaze out a window, and daydream.

An Individual’s well-being is not achieved alone. We will never be self-sufficient or independent, nothing living is. We are mutual contributors and beneficiaries in this ecosystem. So, consider which practices, habits, rituals, and understanding will inform your relationship with yourself and time and the value it will bring to your well-being. How would you like to engage in your life – professionally and personally – while contributing to the world? To quote Thelonious Monk, are you “off time yet perfectly on time”.

I was looking for a light read and picked up “Inciting Joy.” I was immediately captivated by Ross Gay’s second essay, “Through My Tears I Saw (Death: The Second Incitement)” and how he shares his teenage concept of his Dad. “I became thoroughly unenthralled with my old man, annoyed and embarrassed by his arrogance, his bluster … now I recognize his full-of-sxxxxxxs in my own…” There is an intimacy and honesty not often heard and experienced in a world that is about branding the best versions of ourselves (publicly).

The essays in this book are deeply personal and reflective, speaking of relationships with self and others, death and dying (“when you are ninety-four you are dying more clearly than … say, twenty-four”), losses (“we were edging toward the world without this person we loved”), grief (“grief is the metabolization of change”), deprivilege (“the withholding from some of the means of life”), blessings, and the joys in between the sorrows.

The garden serves as a vehicle in which Ross shares his perspectives of life, “a healthy garden is an entangled system of truly countless mutual contributors and beneficiaries, on which the gardener is but one.” Not a light read, this gave my heart much to consider, and I delighted in each essay’s journey as Ross planted the seed of what is to bloom in each essay. “When that one thing changed, everything changed.”

National Poetry Month

In honor of National Poetry Month, sharing this poem by Sarla Estruch. Sarala is a British writer, poet, and researcher. Her poetry explores the long legacy of colonization, intergenerational trauma, grief, and disconnection. At the same time, balanced with the power of love and connection.

Blue Mountain

We had passed halfway point.
Every muscle in my body was singing,
brimming with lactic acid. We’d been arguing,
arguing as we climbed, about the best way
to climb a mountain, though I’d never climbed
a mountain before and you’d topped the summit
countless times. I wanted to enjoy the walk:
the winding path fringed with unfurling ferns
and bamboo stalks, gold and tall. You said:
To get to the top, you’ve got to look up.
Kept leading us off the path to the short cuts
Through the underbrush over rocks and red soil.
Impossible to gain stable footing, we kept on
Moving, the forward motion propelling us
A step ahead of stumbling. It started to rain.
You took my hand. The air thickened
with the scent of parched earth being pummeled
by water, particles of dust darting up, resisting
their muddy fate and already I was drenched,
had never been so wet; I’d never been so close
to the clouds with the rain coming down
and kept on going. At the summit we stood,
hearts swollen with victory and relief, though
thick grey mist had stolen the famous view
of the north and south coasts of the island.
Later, in the guesthouse in the valley,
you tell me of the Taino and Maroons who
escaped slavery by fleeing to the Blue and
John Crow mountains; it was here, in unmapped
land colonists dared not enter, that they gathered,
grew strength, and planned their resistance.

A Human-Centric Approach

March 2, 2023May 10, 2023

Work is a vital part of life, shaping our sense of purpose and well-being. More than 160 million people are part of the U.S. workforce, spending one-third, if not more, of their day working as knowledge employees. The pressures of hustle culture, where busyness is a source of pride, trap many in the delusion of relentless productivity. However, we are seeing, the impact of toxic productivity on overall well-being.

Workload pressures, the economic climate, and the challenges [aftermath] of the pandemic, employees [individuals] are emotionally stretched. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), nearly 3 in 5 employees reported negative impacts of work-related stress in the wake of the pandemic. With the burnout crisis experienced by employees, organizations will benefit from holistic well-being strategies supporting their workforce while curating an inclusive culture where people feel they belong.

Shaping the work culture

Leaders who visibly commit to the well-being, and who can have quality conversations with their workforce to address the factors contributing to this crisis will ensure engagement.

According to the U. S. Surgeon Report, “regardless of their position, when employees feel appreciated, recognized, and engaged, their sense of value and meaning increases, as well as their capacity to manage stress.” Building good relationships and strong organizations requires listening, deeply listening with empathy. Understanding work from the perspective of the people doing the work can reveal what is broken and how it impacts them.

Managers hold a powerful role in shaping the work culture and employees’ well-being. Listening to their direct report to recognize the ways they engage with their work, the constraints faced, and factors that effects how the work is completed will allow the manager and the employee to co-create signposts for success. This collaborative approach empowers inclusive teams’ participation to build and determine how work is accomplished, fostering connections and moderating feelings of being overwhelmed.

When employees feel supported

Effective support starts when there is an understanding of what is needed across the enterprise, cultivating a purpose-driven workplace. Employee feedback can provide important insights and context, deepening the C-suite’s understanding and aligning the enterprise’s purpose with colleagues. Connecting the company’s purpose to environmental, social, and the goals of the enterprise can be a valuable way to support the organization’s talent.

Taking a human-centric approach invites leaders to fully evaluate this complexity of knowledge work. Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, U.S. Surgeon General, encourages organizations to examine workload and adequacy of resources to meet those demands (such as staffing, and coverage), reduce long working hours, and eliminate policies and productivity metrics that cause harm (such as limiting employee breaks).

Time for creativity

A key to creativity is “the ha-ha stage”, which is only possible when there is an incubation phase that enriches the process. In the Harvard Business Review IdeaCast Podcast: Breaking Free of the Cult of Productivity, Madeleine Dore noted that for knowledge employees there needs to be time to slow down. Rest is not a reward. To show up powerful again the next day, our brain needs to recharge to retain more information.

Intentionally looking out for biases that promote organizational design, work arrangements, and technologies where employees are constantly on further support time for renewal. Leaders are encouraged to job craft, where employees proactively shape the ways in which they contribute to the organization in a meaningful, rewarding, and consistent way that utilizes their strengths.

Purpose and belonging

When well-being policies and ways of working support all employees, it is a winning proposition. Listening and investing in employees, shows it’s okay for them to look after their well-being, whether it means being off-line during personal and family time or collaborating with leadership on how work will be executed. Simon Blake advised that companies “adopt a comprehensive, whole organization approach which recognizes that well-being and performance fuel one another.” An organization’s productivity and the meaning employees derive from their work do not need to conflict with each other.

When humans are centered at work, caring community of purpose and belonging is promoted. “The most important asset in any organization is its people. By choosing to center their voices, we can ensure everyone has a platform to thrive.” – Vivek H. Murthy, U.S. Surgeon General. Does this mean that thriving might be an element of striving?

Book A Discovery Session

A discovery session is largely influenced by a kaizen process, which is a philosophy based on the concept to change for the better through small modifications creating improvements. The session is centered on learning about one another including values, goals, and processes.

The discussion will help determine our chemistry match and how collaborating will add value for you. There will be an opportunity to understand your needs and what is top of mind for you, especially what is it that you wish to improve upon. This is an opportunity for us to co-create a win-win partnership.

Some discovery session questions are:

What is your biggest challenge as it relates to ______?
How are you feeling about this challenge?
What about solving the challenge is most important to you?
How will you benefit from finding a solution to this challenge?

To schedule your no obligation appointment, email novelette@betacoachingconsulting.com or visit our calendar to book an available time.

“Dread Poetry & Freedom Linton Kwesi Johnson & The Unfinished Revolution” offers an expansive exploration of Jamaican poets grappling with the legacy of slavery and colonialism in the post-independence period. It also probes the influence of the “cast of outcasts” on creative expression.

Austin writes, “Johnson’s poetry has served to expose the mask that shields society’s inequalities while emphasizing black and working-class self-activity in the struggle for social change.” Johnson’s poetry draws on his heritage, written in the Jamaican vernacular accompanied by dub (reggae) music.

A comprehensive review of the influences that shaped Johnson’s poetry, a blend of storytelling, history, and the political climate post-independence. This is a rich account of the intellectuals, politicians and poets who influenced the Dread Poetry movement centering Johnson’s contributions to the movement. Johnson is only the second living poet to have been published in the Penguin Modern Classics series. I am looking forward to diving into that book next in the next couple of months.

Deep listening promotes empathy

February 6, 2023May 10, 2023

For the speaker, the line between wanting to be reassured and wanting to be heard may not always be easy to discern.

Your friend is sharing how they had a difficult time at work with a colleague who was not forthcoming with information related to a time-sensitive project. Frustrated and upset, they convey the “events of the day.” You respond with a similar story about how annoyed you were with a colleague thinking it would bond the two of you with a shared difficulty.

Does this sound familiar?

Although most of us think we listen well, often we can’t wait to share our thoughts about what we’re hearing, which short-circuits the speaker from fully sharing their experience. I have been guilty of sharing a related story, thinking it would indicate my relatability around a similar challenge and engender solidarity. When I reflect on the exchange, I acknowledge the energy that took over and did not allow space for the friend to fully express what was emerging, then mentally kick myself. Aware that this is a tendency, I slip into when conversing with friends and family, I am being more intentional about not jumping in to share a story and attuning to the needs of the person speaking.

Many of us have mastered the appearance of listening, but it is not enough to maintain eye contact and reflect on what was heard. Listening is connecting with the speaker and engaging in a way that helps them feel understood. According to Nichols and Straus, to listen, well, it’s necessary to let go of what’s on our mind long enough to hear what’s on the other person’s mind.

It is not as natural as we may think. Listening well, is a daily, moment-to-moment, person-to-person, practice. Energy, and attention to how we show up with each other create a compassionate, meaningful connection. This involves suspending our self-interest in the service of being receptive to the speaker’s needs.

Listening is a complex process, compounded by modern distractions that further challenge our ability to genuinely listen. It requires taking in the information being communicated through the filters of both the speaker and listener, receiving, attending, understanding, and responding to what is being said, and for that matter, what is not being said. Noticing what limiting barriers are present can make a big difference. Trying to listen when you’re not up to it zaps our capacity to empathize. To connect.

Listening is an active process that takes effort. It is both a skill and an art, having a guide can be a helpful reminder of how to engage actively. While it is not a list of how-tos, it can be a tool to connect our entire body to the process. The heart of listening is empathy, an attunement, which is the essence of human understanding. A balance of thinking and feeling, being open to the somatic responses to what is being heard.

“Empathy — the human echo — is the indispensable stuff of emotional well-being.”

As is often the way with words that become familiar and overused, such as empathy, the sheer power of it can be oversimplified. One way to hold the essence of empathy is that it is an appreciation that is conjured up for the inner experience of another person, the bridge that strengthens relational bonds. We can’t give what we have not either given ourselves or have received. Tuning into ourselves allows us to extend the same generosity.

Building good relationships requires listening, and deep listening promotes empathy. The privilege of listening to another’s experience is a powerful way of moving closer to each other, transcending the relationship. I have been gifted the opportunity to coach more than 1,000 individuals, centering listening, inviting the client to explain their viewpoint, then seeking permission before presenting mine.

I started this article a few days before connecting with a friend for brunch whom I had not seen for about a year. Friendships are voluntary and reflect how we show up in the world with care and mutuality. The everyday human exchanges and the moments shared include daily observations, joys, obstacles, and dreams, which unburden the sense of isolation. This time, I’m happy to say that I was not mentally kicking myself on the drive home!

How well are you listening? Take this quiz and find out.

The difference between listening well and not listening well is the difference between being seen and seen with smeared glasses. How we interrelate, transfer information, connect, validate, acknowledge, hear, and listen is fundamental for our longing to belong. When I engage my heart and mind — the whole body — to be fully present for the speaker, there is this magical connection. Listening is a process that asks us to extend grace to each other, staying open to understanding what is being shared.

Nichols & Straus writes, “to be with other people authentically is no easy feat. This ability depends on an awareness of ourselves as self-contained individuals who relate by listening to and accepting other separate and autonomous individuals.” Listening is an outgrowth of extending care, to ourselves and another tied to our well-being.

May you have the gift of being listened to.

May you offer the gift of listening to another.

May we listen well.

——-

Resource List:

Nichols, M.P. and Straus, M.B. (2021) The Lost Art of Listening: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships (3^rd Edition). Guilford Press.

Stone, D., Patton, B., and Heen, S. (2010) Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. Penguin Books.

Book A Discovery Session

A discovery session is largely influenced by a kaizen process, which is a philosophy based on the concept to change for the better through small modifications creating improvements. The session is centered on learning about one another including values, goals, and processes.

Some discovery session questions are:

What is your biggest challenge as it relates to ______?
How are you feeling about this challenge?
What about solving the challenge is most important to you?
How will you benefit from finding a solution to this challenge?

To schedule your no obligation appointment, email novelette@betacoachingconsulting.com or visit our calendar to book an available time.

This Month’s Books:
Fuller’s search for belonging (understanding) to his biological family, the affinity felt with his caregiver, and all the ways he strived to belong and didn’t feel it speaks to his personal triumph given the racial prejudice endured.

There is a silencing, a constant restraint, that the author exercised in the spaces where he found himself disenfranchised, “so it was easier for me to think that any shabby treatment I received was because I was in care rather than because I was black.”

The son of Jamaican Windrush Generation immigrants in the UK, Michael Fuller, experienced being singled out or being regarded as different is the core of his memoir, A Search For Belonging. Leaning into his intellect and professional acumen, Fuller excels in the Britain Police Force – one could say despite tension experienced because of his race.

The epilogue unpacked the circumstance of his biological family and the emotional, psychological, and psychosocial difficulties of migrating to another country. “People brought up by their own relatives are told the stories, the mythology, of the family, and they carry this around inside them all their lives, defining who they are and where they came from.”

Catching the Light (Why I Write) contains fifty intimate vignettes of Harjo’s life’s journey. For me reading her words break my heart open.

She has a way of drawing this reader in as if the words were written from a deep abiding place connecting me to her experiences. I feel such resonance with this book, and anyone who has read Harjo’s work knows she does not leave anything out. She writes from a deeply honest and vulnerable place.

“We are all as actors, wearing the masks of family, generation, or occupation. We step into the story when we take our first breath. We will lay down the masks when we return to the spiritual jumping-off place.”

What have you read lately that broke your heart wide open, touching that tender spot, connecting you deeply to yourself?

Forging Transformative Partnerships

July 6, 2022July 14, 2023

Summer Issue

A transformation is something that is, realized – embodied – known – and, one could say, it is sacred. We have all experienced a transformation, albeit small or grand. Something magical occurs in those moments – and given the rapid speed of technology and our life – these moments might be viewed as mundane or expected. Yet when we pause to acknowledge or celebrate what it took to get there, then we can recognize the transformation that has occurred.

This article will dive into both the personal and organizational transformational process and offer a perspective on how to co-create, recognize, and embrace the change you desire. At BETA Coaching & Consulting, we believe that partnership to achieve the desired change can bring an unexpectedly positive result. Kegan & Lahey, in their book Immunity To Change, believed that we don’t know enough about why it [change] is so hard and what we can do about it. And as most of us may attest to, change can be hard, although we are very aware it is all around us, and there are times we desire it because it is necessary.

Change takes courage and, even when we step into a brave change space, it might be with ambivalence and that is why having a trustworthy companion, such as a coach/consultant, can be valuable for success. Courage is the ability to act despite the fear or the feeling of being unmoored. Ongoing reflection and experimentation provide insights into the course of action, shoring up one’s appetite for the change. This does not preclude failures, which are learning opportunities, further magnifying what about the change is valued and meaningful.

Before transformation can occur, clarity is needed to determine what is fueling the desired process. The client may move beyond a transactional state (an action), which has its merits, towards a willful interrogation of the current condition transforming it. With the identification of that “one big thing” that will be altered by exploring the underlying issue.

Individual Transformation:

When an individual enters the change process, often it is to develop a behavior strategy or consistent activity, draw on a strength (talent), put in place a support team, achieve an outcome, overcome a challenge, and/or a combination of all of these. During the exploratory process of the coaching session, the client will dive into the meanings and inner feelings behind the desired outcome. The coach forges a trusting relationship with the client based on the curation of a brave and safe space, while upholding confidentiality. Through the coaching process, the client’s awareness of their desired outcome increases, facilitating their growth and capacity to take on the change along with the support of their coach.

As noted in the September 2021 article, the space between now and the future holds the magic of possibility where transformation awaits. As the change is being contemplated, it is helpful to know where you currently are on the spectrum of change. Are you thinking about an innovative approach or reverting to a previous pattern?

The Stages of Change Model, also known as the Transtheoretical Model, describes a person’s readiness to make a change or to take on a new behavior. This reflective process of ascertaining where you are in the Transtheoretical Model will inform how you’re fluxing between the different stages of the system you are in. Your individual transformation will alter the environment, so that you are able to manifest your future possibility.

Organizational Transformation:

Organizational transformation is not significantly different because they are composites of diverse individuals, who share the norms and values that shaped the organization. It seeks engaging contributors in the process of defining and accepting change. Neglecting this human factor – or not bringing them along – can increase dissatisfaction, negatively impacting job satisfaction and engagement.

Even the most welcomed changes come with their challenges. So, when making changes at the system level, consider the complexity from various perspectives, how much support might be needed for change to occur, and how much self-reflection may be needed to address these complexities.

With a partner, you gain an understanding of the organization’s culture and potential impacts of the change by conducting a readiness assessment. This provides insights into the people’s challenges while potentially mitigating some of the human dissatisfaction that comes with changes. A frequent oversight by leaders when initiating change is to lean too much into the technical changes rather than solving the adaptive challenges. These are systemic and confront the status quo to change behavior, practices, and ways of working.

An organizational change readiness assessment might aid in this self-reflection, which is defined as a collaborative approach in which people affected by the change understand their needs and wants within their respective roles. The aim is not to revolutionize their work by expecting them to accept change because they are now required to do so. It allows the organization to understand how the evaluation connects with the preparation for behavior change.

Transformation relies on deep relationships and a clear understanding of what is needed to make a unique impact, rather than just focusing on actions. Trust and a clear understanding of the partners’ value proposition are necessary. Although this takes time and is earned, it often leads to a long and profitable partnership.

Conclusion:

A transformative partnership is non-linear and takes time. Grounded in the mutual trust of all partners are a shared understanding of the goals and values of the change, agreed-upon roles and responsibilities, and the methods to implement the plan.

The building blocks to a successful transformative partnership include:

A clear vision for the change: Identify the agreed-upon better future state and ask the question, “why are the desired changes better than the way things are now?”
Value proposition alignment: Understanding what can be accomplished by working in partnership and creating a pathway for transformational change.
Co-creation/collaboration: Take time to gain an understanding of the context and desired change before starting the process.
Performance tracking system: Proactively monitor the strength of the partnership while course-correcting as needed.
Measuring changes: Determine if the changes are scalable and sustainable to meet the initial objectives.

Insights can be powerful and even exciting, yet they do not necessarily lead to transformation. Guiding individuals and organizations through a change process is a skill and an art. We look forward to partnering with you on your journey to transformative change.

Book a Discovery Session:

Some Discovery Session questions are:

What is your biggest challenge as it relates to ______?
How are you feeling about this challenge?
What about solving the challenging is most important to you?
How will you benefit from finding a solution to this challenge?

To schedule your no obligation Discovery Session, email novelette@betacoachingconsulting.com or visit our calendar to book an available time.

Summer Reading Listing:

The winter and spring were especially busy, and I was not reading for pleasure as much as I liked. Then, I recommitted myself to intentionally carve out time for something I really enjoy, reading for pleasure, I immersed myself in the writings of Viet Thanh Nguyen.

In The Sympathizer, Viet Thanh Nguyen explores the refugees’ experience, the persistence of colonization, and what might need to happen for decolonization to occur. “Refugee, exile, immigrant – whatever species of displaced human we were, we did not simply live in two cultures, as celebrants of the great American melting pot imagined. Displaced people also lived in two time zones, the here and the there, the present and the past, being as we were reluctant time travelers.” There is a plot twist that made my jaw drop but I won’t give it away! This is a beautifully written, captivating, and must read book!!!

The Committed, which is a sequel to The Sympathizer, is an equally engrossing read. Although not quite to the end, I am anticipating another plot twist.

I am excited by what is ahead in my reading queue for the summer.

What books are on your summer reading list?

BETA YouTube Channel

We will be sharing some thought-provoking ideas on our YouTube Channel in the coming week. Until then, enjoy this preview: